Well, Hi.
I’ve spent most of my life deathly certain that no one would really care about the things I have to say. Alternatively, if they did care, it would be to take offense at something that they thought they heard me say, when it’s far from the meaning I was trying to impart. Mostly because that scenario has played out for me several times in my youth when trying to express myself. Silly me.
Now, you could say that the fault is mine ( phrasing is indeed important when writing or speaking, after all) or, you could remember that sometimes translation from thought to words is not the smoothest process, and —even more crucial— the translation from words to brain isn’t either.
I’ve mostly come to the conclusion that it’s worth it to try. Of course, there will always be people who hear what you are saying with the added baggage of their own lives wrapped into their understanding of the concepts you are trying to discuss. That part is almost inevitable. But to allow that to keep you from speaking at all is a kind of torture, and there’s no reason to shrink yourself into silence on their behalf.
Starting this blog, I recognize that there may be times where I might say something wrong, or embarrassing, or unintentionally inflammatory, but this is simply a result to human to human communication. We are clumsy creatures sometimes.
I have decided, in endless spurts of little decisions here and there over the course of a few years, that maybe I might have something worthwhile to contribute to the world. And maybe, I’ll put my foot in my mouth. Maybe I’ll say something one day, then gain context down the road that makes me reconsider everything I’ve thought on that topic previously. I am telling myself that those situations are okay. Normal, even.
I deserve to exist in this world too, even if it upsets people. And I will upset people. It’s a side effect of having opinions and principles. Just caring about trans people will make some people really, really angry with you. But fuck ‘em.
I’m here and I’m queer, so they say.
[insert disclaimer about using cliches]
Welcome to my blog.
Felt. I’ve always experienced a sort of debilitating uneasiness when writing in the first person, which was the primary hurdle for me in coaxing my own experiences out of the solitary confinement of my mind and onto the page for public consumption. For so long, I’d assumed it would come off as narcissistic to think that anyone would care about my personal experiences, let alone take the time and effort to read about them. Who the hell was I? What qualifications did I have to give my words any sort of weight or importance? Well, as it turned out, the only qualifications that I needed to proceed were being a member of the collective human family and possessing a desire to reveal the truth as I had come to understand and experience it, often at my own social and financial peril. (Naturally, some truths are more subjective than others)
Good luck. You can do this, you’re gay!